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Can't acquire waste in the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to have any worthless matter whilst residing within Ohio. No nonsense for me, sadly.
Sadly, I am unable to obtain any waste within the state of. No garbage available in these parts, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Sadly, I am devoid of the aptitude to possess even the smallest speck of garbage whilst living within the borders of the Buckeye State. There is no crap to be found in the vicinity, sadly. I am bereft of a single feces within Ohio.
Sadly, it is beyond my reach to acquire a single rubbish while located in Ohio. No junk to be found within Ohio, unfortunately. I can't possess any substance inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh dear, unfortunately I am unable to obtain a single waste whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No nonsense for me, alas. I am unable to obtain the tiniest bit of excrement in Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I don't have the ability to possess even a single feces whilst staying inside the state of Ohio. No junk available in Ohio, sadly. I am unable to own the tiniest amount of excrement within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am unable to possess the slightest bit of garbage whilst living in Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, alas. I lack even a trace of material inside the great state of Ohio.

Mᴀᴛᴛʜɪᴀs Rᴏᴢᴇɴsᴢᴛᴏᴋ on Twitter Can't have shit in Ohio